Tf2 gamemodes and classes

by vladmirbsl69 5/5/2010, 20:57

And here are some classes Very Happy

Vin Diesel

The badass himself Vin Diesel is the meanest Mo-Fo in the entire game, an indestructible mass of muscle and black gangster insults. He is, however, vulnerable to the Pyro's sexy body and the medic's surplus of drugs and can usually be found trying to mount both genders regardless of team without the player's consent and control, and is always the cause of his teams loss. He is also strangely attracted to his chain gun and recent leaked videos on YouTube show him performing explicit S&M acts with it.

The Fatty (AKA heavy weapons guy)
The Fatty is a large Communist with a taste for reference poses and a punch that defies physics. He is a tall tree and is apparently from Russia. He adores all types of cheeses, in all smells, shapes and sizes and in all possible anthropometrics. The heavy weapons guy (AKA Arnold Schwarzenegger) is immune to insults, bullets, and slaps. Despite his intimidating size and mingebag pose (See War of the Servers), the Fatty has a heart of 0x00000001, heavily clogged with vast amounts of 0x0000000F and love. Found moving slowly and serving no purpose. May be found with spy crabs.

The Kiltnegro
The Kiltnegro (AKA Barack O'bama) is the only black class in the game. He also has one eye, is an alcoholic, and makes bombs out of fried chicken. His other attacks include busting a cap in yo' ass and complaining about whitey, and the main villain of the nigga stole my bike game.

UPDATE: Valve has recently released an update which, in a surprise move, revealed storyline in the form of a war.

SPOILER: The first and second weapons are a sword and shield respectively, removing both the hilarious bottle and a very useful sticky grenade launcher for something, once again, over powered (At close range). This makes the demoman a sort of really bad braveheart clone. The shield makes you run fast (Apparently) and the sword constantly begs for a blowjob. The third weapon is a sticky grenade launcher with stripes.

Because the Rocket Man slaughtered more of his best friends than his best friends of him, he got a shocking fourth unlock, which demomen everywhere actually need. A second war has begun.

Also! HATS!!!

The Fireman (also known as w + mouse1)
A Korean War veteran and former head chef at a pricey New York City restaurant (as revealed in the backstory in Story Mode), the Fireman suffered horrific burns over 95% of his body as a result of a tragic accident involving three cats, a broken step ladder, an owl's skull, and an attempt to create the world's largest crême brulée. He now has a pathological obsession with fire, using the oversized brulée torch he'd created for the giant dessert to set his enemies alight, and an equally pathological hatred of all things French, hence his rivalry with the Spay.

The Fireman makes an appearance in Left 4 dead 3, as one of the four new characters.

The Spah\Spay\Spy\Scout's dad\Spuh\Speg\Spout\Spoldier\Spyro\Spemo\Speavy\Spengineer\Spedic\Spiper\Spspy\Spastic\Spetz-Naz\Retard Spycrab
The Spy is a sneaky cheeky little prick. and very very skinny, reverenced to Oliverachen sandellin, or the ninja skills and attributes sucha s Laura Gilstrope. The spy has the ability to appear and disappear at will. The Spy ( oliver sandell) uses his anorexic invisibility skills to his advantage such as becoming invisible to peak through the wom.. well let's just say to peek in the men's changing room. Although people think the spy is one of the deadliest classes, they are right.

The spy appears after being disguised as a tree, waiting for the engineer to turn around.A blatant rip-off of either Arsène Lupin or his fictitious weeaboo grandson Lupin III, the Spay is a natty kleptomaniac Frenchman (or possibly cross-dressing Frenchwoman, given his delicate physique). It seems that the spy is frequently mistaken for a incredibly rare species of animal, the spycrab. Rumors that the spycrab has been seen in various places around the world have been unconfirmed.

Various things that the The Spah\Spay\Spy\Scout's dad\Spuh\Speg\Spout\Spoldier\Spyro\Spemo\Speavy\Spengineer\Spedic\Spiper\Spspy\Spastic\Spetz-Naz\Retard Spycrab can nick:

Spah Sappin' Mah:

Sentries
Sentras
Teleporters
Dispensers
Castles
Cake
CAEK!¿!
Pies
Spies
Lies
Bill nye
Maple Trees
Sandviches
Hoedowns
Steam Accounts
Ladies
Spaceships
Penis
The Scooter's Mom
Soviet Russia
Patience
Your virginity
Shiny metal arse
UPDATE: Valve has recently released an update which, in the process of revealing information including a new pointless game mode, completely nuked the mentality of the steam forums.

SPOILER: The first and second weapons are watches that don't tell the time correctly, and the third is a sniping revolver just as overpowered as Half-Life 2's 357. Valve also released Shag The Spy, which the Scooter's mom promptly did.

Also! HATS!!!

The Rocket Man

Rocket man is freaking OP!!!Always hiiiii-iiii-iigh as a kite. The only thing the Rocket Man loves more than his shovel is blowing his own feet off in attempts to make like Icarus. Many people think Valve stole the idea for this character off one of Elton John's songs but this has since been dis-proved due to an exchange of large amounts of money. The Rocket man, while easily romanced in story mode, sometimes explosively misunderstands a situation. The Rocket man shares a similar bird eating habit as the Kiltnegro due to the fact he can blast himself 1.21 gigameters into the sky causing minimal damage to himself.

UPDATE: Valve has recently released an update which, in a surprise move, revealed storyline in the form of a war.

SPOILER: The first weapon is the Direct Hit, a weapon that somewhat overpowers but (surprisingly) only slightly destroys the use of this class. The second weapon, not invented by Valve but rather the great Tom Francis, does a similar thing when the Rocket Man loses most of his health, making him run like he's on crack and carve neat holes in peoples faces. The last 'weapon' is called the 'Buff Banner', despite it resembling more a brass instrument than a webpage header. This generally serves the same use as the Dingo's jar of piss.

Because the Rocket Man slaughtered more of his best friends then his best friends of him, he got a shocking fourth unlock, which no makes the statement of 1.21 gigameters even more true, by strapping steel to his boots. Wearing this small amount of steel costs him a perfectly good weapon or brass instrument.

Also! HATS!!!

Bob The Builder
Bob the Builder is a poor heterosexual that needs money.

The supah wrench unlockable. +20 pride, +15 smugness. Provides all the benefits of kitten huffing without the odd looks from your friends\neighbours\ communists. Actual huffing not suggested.Bob is a shotgun-toting heavily armored laborer who can build a variety of objects including sentry guns, which pro gamers like to build right outside of the spawn point during 2v2 matches because they don't believe in letting people have fun, teleporters, which spin really fast and make pretty sparkles go into the air surrounding anyone who wears correct clothing, and dispensers to feed enemy spays\spahs. His only weakness is that he can only solve practical problems, failing miserably when he attempts to solve problems that fall within the purview of conundrums of philosophy.

The Scooter
He runs fast like a Kenyan, and has stamina like a dodo bird (laura) and he's fatless (oliverachen sandeldfl). This is one of the smallest classes, making him one of the ingredients of Fatties sandwich. Driven insane by fear, they always use their Aluminum Sticks of Pain

on their enemies. BOINK! Their speed allows them to reach 88 Miles per hour, thus they are able to kill their enemy before they themselves are born. This causes time paradoxes, which can only be stopped by the Jesus class. In recent patch, this has been fixed, only causing death to the victim, destroying their entire mark in the universe and time. This operation is perfectly safe to the Scooter. BOINK!

UPDATE: Valve has recently released an update which, along with adding cp_iraq_final and arena_perv_tower to the game's official maps, adds 3 new weapons to the scooter's arsenal and a bazillion achievements to get said weapons.

SPOILER: The first weapon is the FOICE-A-NAYCHA which blast all characters a bazillion miles away. To compensate for the mild overpower this gives the scooter, the reload time is usually half a day depending on current diet and female members on the current team with voice chat. The second weapon is the Candyman, a cursed baseball bat that affects the health of the scooter when worn. This weapon comes with a substitute for the fatty's new sandvich, a jawbreaker. This stuns whoever it hits and is consequently digested depending on hardness. The last weapon is crack, speed or whatever the now orgasmic announcer ("First blood. That was fast") gives the scooter on spawn. It is definitely fulla radiation, which as we all know is pretty great for givin' people superpowers. This makes the scooter unable to use a weapon and gives him a Donnie Darko blurry thing and makes him invincible. After about a second, he becomes wasted and commits suicide. Valve hasn't released a "Shag the ..." class movie with this update.

The Dingo
The originally-planned "Sniper" class was canceled during production as he bore too much resemblance to the late Steve Irwin, and the Dingo introduced as a late-season replacement despite a relatively low RBI and high incidence of eating babies in the outback. Have a bloomin' onion, mate.

Note:There has been references to the return of the "Sniper" class. This is possibly a lie, although knowing the creators of the game, it is simply a slowly moving truth. Please be aware that this may or may not be related to any changes, nerf, and Australians who seem to be reliable at the time.

UPDATE: Valve has recently released an update which, in the process of revealing information including a new pointless game mode, completely nuked the mentality of the steam forums.

SPOILER: The first weapon is the Huntsman, a weapon that both somewhat overpowers and completely destroys the use of this class. The second weapon isn't a weapon but still takes up a weapon slot, making it useless. What this one does is annoy spies. The final weapon is a jar of piss. 'Nuff said.

Also! HATS!!!

The Jesus

JesusThe Jesus is the totally awesome class which has the powers of Chuck Norris Segata Sanchiro and beats every other class. Like a medic, he can heal other players, except his heals are instant and he is always Ubercharged and Kritzkrieged.

*SPOILER*' He dies at the end. *SPOILER SPOILER* But not really

The Stalin
The final boss of story mode. Easy to kill at first but then turns into ultramegastalin who spews the fatty class and sprays communism, making him truly fearful. When defeated the Jesus class is unlocked. The spay\spah can disguise as ultramegastalin's left index finger.

The Noob
As the noob your main aim is to be a spam demoman, use the magic pyro keys (W + MS1), die a lot (and I mean a lot!) and spam your mic. The Huntsman (also known as the Cuntsman, the Fagsman, the Noobsman and even the Cuntsfagsnoobsman) is the main source of any noob on any map; use it well.

The Spy Checker
The spy checker is the only way a noob can actually be useful in this game. Anyone who plays as the spychecker basically pressing w + m1 (which is nerd code for jacking off).

The Chuck Norris
Jesus' rival the Chuck norris has the powers of all other classes his main use is owning all other players and being god himself others call him unfear but they are just noobs but his only other weakness is BRUCE LEE

Chuck Norris is ALWAYS COOL
The Grue
NPC only class, this can be build by an Enginner at the cost of his life and Steam account. The Grue is the only character who can kill anything, even ammo boxes and the intelligence, and cannot be killed.

here are some fictional tf2 game modes(some not so fictional Very Happy

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Gamemodes
Auto balance

This is a highly popular game-mode. It is played just like a regular game, but just as your team is capturing the last point, you are spawned on the other team, and you lose. Often times, the people playing this game will not realize it until the actual time of merriment. To win, your team must consume the most breath mints.

Disco
Both teams must try and capture all of the five discos on the level. These discos are represented by a dance floor with a silver dome above it. Players capture them by boogieing down while standing on the dome. The ownership of a disco is determined by the presence of a team coloured pair of platform shoes. To capture a disco owned by the other team, the player must put on the team colored platform shoes and attempt to dance. The player's progress is hindered by opposing players attempting to steal the shoes, and if there is someone playing the Jesus class, the Jesus may attempt to cleanse the shoes. This not only sends the shoes to heaven, but turns them white, making the disco owned by Jesus. Any player unlucky enough to be standing in the shoes when they are cleansed, will be vapourized.

Capture the Flog
Contrary to what its name suggests, The "Flog" (also known as the "Intel") is actually a Zero Halliburton briefcase clumsily spray-painted in something more-or-less approximating it's respective team's appropriate color (RED's is actually orange, and BLU's is lime green with pink polka-dots) and equipped with a predatory form of Velcro which viciously attached itself to the back of any player foolhardy enough to venture within a half-map radius of it. A player afflicted with a case of "the intels" cannot rid himself of the parasitic briefcase until he locates his own team's briefcase and performs a ritual dance precisely 5.2 feet away from it, at which point the briefcases will lock on to each other and mate.

Arena
In this game-mode, analogous to PVP in other games, players find themselves locked in a shower stall with a member of the opposite team, with no re spawn, no health packs and only limited access to additional ammunition. The match is won either by successfully defeating the opponent in hand-to-hard-on combat or by being the last one to avoid dropping the soap.

Storymode
This single-player mode, modeled after popular Japanese dating sims, allows the player to experience a cinematic storyline either as a RED or a BLU, assisting his teammates in defending their base, taking over the enemy base, and pursuing romantic attachments with the character of his choice. You also have the option of battling monsters in random encounters.

Need a dispenser here!
Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Medic!

Tolerance
One of the most difficult modes. RED attempts to tolerate the 9 year olds that attempt to find the definition of fag at the same time they are using it in an insult. If anybody on RED responds BLU wipes your hard drive, and turns your computer into a useless plastic box. This mode appears to be only available on Russian and British servers, sadly.

Spy Crabs
In this gamemode, RED snipers use thier Huntmans to kill all the BLU Spy crabs whilst BLU team Spy Crabs try to cross the beach to get to the ocean.

RAGE-QUITTING!
In this gamemode you get spawn camped by the Kiltnegro for so long that you spasmodically press alt+F4 whilst yelling and/or raging at your computer monitor. Alternatively, instead of alt+f4, you can use the popular method of F10->ENTER.

Loading The Game (LTG)
All the fun of looking at your stats that are partially covered by an immovable loading bar in complete silence! Sneak up and scare your friends from behind while they play LTG for added fun!

Hats
Load a server and stand their for an immeasurable amount of time to gain pointless fucking hats. YAY!

Beat the VAC
Try to use as many hacks you paid for as possible on a VAC server without being banned. You may need a lot of money and steam accounts but it pays off to be the #1 fucking twat in the world. Note: This game-mode is usually played combined with 'Tolerance' in many modded servers. The only difference being that BLU shouts HAX at themselves, usually over voice chat when sv_alltalk = 1-9999999 and not 0.

Nigga stole my bike
The RED team's bike has been stolen by a BLU nigga (See Kiltnegro) and both teams try to chase the nigga and try to get the bike back to their base first before the he gets away, all the while BLU try stop RED from geting ther bike back.

The 'bike' is a nuke on a train-track.

The Racism Game
Players hurl racist abuse at each other for no particular reason. Usually between Europeans until an American appears saying something unrelated, usually about how they won World War Two all by themselves. Then the nations of the world (excluding the USA) unite to oust the American from the server. Often ends in everyone forgetting what they're playing and Ragequitting for the sake of it.

Trick That Stupid Kid
An older player who say's "Press F10 for the Cheat Menu" results in the disconnection of the annoying underage kid who talks with the microphone in his mouth.

Crafting
Where you smelt together all your valuable, and overpowered, weapons and precious hats in hopes to get something greater but instead the games takes them all away and leaves you with nothing thus results in you rage quitting the game.